Psa: This Blogger Is Non Okay

'80% of the fourth dimension I don't sympathize you,' my ex-boyfriend i time said. Not because I was beingness annoying, but because he actually didn't together with we'd exactly constitute out why: I'm gifted, which agency my IQ is somewhere betwixt 'pretty damn high' together with 'Tony Stark grade genius'. Now that all sounds dainty together with positive, doesn't it? In a way, it is. It makes it slowly for me to larn novel things. I run into the globe inwards a way most people can't run into it, which is a bully affair if you lot desire to function yesteryear away a writer. But figuring this out was entirely the starting fourth dimension of a journeying that's pretty much killing me at the moment.

I discovered giftedness together with the way it affects me spell my spider web log was down, dorsum inwards February. In March I went to my doctor, who sent me to a psychologist. Last calendar week she was struggling to diagnose me. Giftedness tin crusade trouble, but at that spot was to a greater extent than to me than exactly the IQ thing. Depression was ruled out, but at that spot were signs of an anxiety disorder. Today she allow me know what's upwards amongst me: I don't receive got an anxiety disorder, I only receive got an inferiority complex. Long storey short: I loathe myself because I'm different.

All throughout my childhood people responded negatively to me because they couldn't sympathize the way I shout out upwards together with run into the world. Because of that I started to believe that it was all my ain fault. I was non practiced plenty for people to receive got me the way I am. I was different, together with unlike was wrong. Since finding out what it is that makes me different, I've made peace amongst my giftedness. The inferiority complex though... Well, that's what's killing me correct now. That's why I'm writing this post.

Getting a diagnose tin live on pretty freaking difficult on anyone. It certain is on me. So is therapy. When I function yesteryear away to therapy on a Thursday, it takes me all weekend to uncovering mental stability again. And that's where my spider web log comes in. This calendar week I couldn't acquire myself to write a post for Monday. Right right away I'm struggling to uncovering words for this post. The argue is simple: I am far from okay at the moment. Life is difficult now, together with my spider web log won't ever live on top priority. I position all my unloosen energy into my instruction together with getting this mess within my caput cleaned up. Between those two, there's non much fourth dimension left for things similar blogging...

So what's going to go on amongst ? One of my friends thinks I should plough to blogging virtually mental wellness right away that I'm all caught upwards inwards it myself, but that's the terminal affair that'll happen. It's exactly non me together with it wouldn't experience correct for me to post virtually all the nasty materials on my mind. Hats off to those who can, but I'm non i of them. No, I've decided to function yesteryear away on my spider web log the way it is: filled amongst randomness, locomote posts together with art. These are the things that brand me happy, thus my spider web log volition live on my rubber haven where I tin acquire away from the nastiness together with focus on the things I love. It'll entirely go on less frequent than I was used to.

All inwards all I don't shout out upwards you'll guys volition notice much of my mental issues. I mightiness lady friend a post every right away together with then. I mightiness write updates on the province of affairs if I shout out upwards that'd live on relevant. I'll definitely receive got exactly about ugly cries together with rants on Twitter. Because at the halt of the day, I'm non okay. However, I know that I volition live on okay again. Maybe non today, mayhap non tomorrow, but shortly enough. Hope you'll remain amongst me spell I figure it all out.

x Envy

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